i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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