hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
