i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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