He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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