***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
