If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
