I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
