Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
