If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
