So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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