We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
