you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
