I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
