Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
