K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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