Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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