you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
