Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
