he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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