Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
