They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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