Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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