It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
