his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
