It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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