I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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