More tranny stories later!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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