We're like a lot better than the average bears
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
