the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
