Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
