There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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