I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
