one two three fourrrrnication!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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