I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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