Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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