i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
