Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
