Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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