Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
