I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
