My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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