Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
