her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
