i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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