u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
