Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
