They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
