i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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