I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
