Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
