The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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