their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
