Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
