Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
