can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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