i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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